


I Think You're Kinda Neat

by The_Red_Reality



Series: The Aftermath Of Tomorrow [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Getting Together, Graphic Description, Happy Ending, Kevin Tells Connor What Happened At The General's Camp, Kissing, M/M, Neither Of Them Know How To Be In A Relationship, Past Rape/Non-con, Shameless Overuse Of The Word ‘Incredible’, Spooky Mormon Hell Dream, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, life goes on - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 12:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17867384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Red_Reality/pseuds/The_Red_Reality
Summary: Kevin Price tries really, really hard to live a happy life after the Incident, he really does. But past events are getting in the way of that, and he realises that he needs to tell someone about what happened to him at the General's camp otherwise he'll continue to suffer until he can't handle it anymore.That person is Connor McKinley.How will he react to hearing Kevin's past? Will Kevin be able to heal?





	1. When You're Feeling Certain Feelings...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey reader! I love advice when it comes to my writing, so don't be afraid to point something out to me. Thanks! (This is also my first printed work on this website so forgive me for formatting issues, heh)
> 
> Also, I like to imagine that something similar to this did actually happen after the musical because it's plausible? There's some pretty dark stuff that happens in the musical but it's breezed over because it's a comedic piece and they can get away with it, so I like to think this is the aftermath…

When the Mission President dismissed the missionaries of District 9 from their missions, Elder Connor McKinley expected for everything to fall apart, especially because all of the elders decided to stay behind in Africa. In a way, it did. People started to denounce their faith, break the rules, and Elder Cunningham- Arnold, he insists on using first names- started spreading his wild plans for something he has dubbed as the Book Of Arnold. 

The surprising part is that the chaotic regime started by Elder Price and Elder Cunningham’s arrival is actually working. The community of Ugandans have been drawn closer to the missionaries because of the Incident, and the missionaries have started to aid the community with humanitarian efforts instead of just trying to convert them to Mormonism. The young Mormon boys who arrived in Ugandan have finally started to make the difference in the world, just as they planned. 

Well, just as Elder Price planned. Price came to Ugandan with an ego so big it suffocated anyone who was in the same room as him, but it has dialled down a touch since he arrived. Despite Elder Price being the most arrogant and stubborn egotist Connor had ever lain eyes on, he couldn’t help but be drawn to him too. His transfixion horrifies him, mostly because he could barely control himself around Elder Price. While he denies everything, Connor absolutely had his flirt on from the moment the dashing, tall, handsome boy had poked his head through the mission hut, right through the spontaneous tap recital that Connor was very proud of, where he may or may not have deliberately mentioned his slight crush on his childhood best friend, Steve Blade, to see how Price reacted. He reacted better than the average Mormon response, in fact, Kevin was more relaxed with the issue than Connor himself was at the time. 

But that was in the past, and Price is completely straight. A few months ago, Connor would claim to be straight himself, but a lot of things have changed. He has decided to be honest to himself, to let all his feelings out and live life to its fullest. No more turning it off. So far, there have been a lot of tears. Mostly by himself, while sitting next to the big tree on the hill or next to the river, or even in his room at night, hoping Elder Poptarts didn’t wake. Sometimes, he isn’t successful, and Poptarts does wake, and although he is awkward and not sure the reasons why Connor was crying he always is there to rub his back and hug him in comforting manner until he falls back asleep. He probably thinks that Connor still has hell dreams, which is true; He still gets them most night, less since he started accepting himself, but the dreams aren’t why he’s crying. Most the time he doesn’t even have a reason to cry, which is a little concerning. Years of repressing his emotions and turning it off probably stunted his emotional growth. 

Besides Poptarts, Connor usually can keep his cool around people and maintain his calm, sunny persona of Elder McKinley, Leader Of District 9. He and everyone else ignores the fact that he technically has no authority over any of the boys, because he secretly likes to think that he is the only thing separating them from complete anarchy. His days have become busier than pre-Incident, as he has to balance his time between aiding the villagers and getting the other missionaries to behave, which was not a problem before. Usually, it’s just Elder Cunningham and Elder Price he has to look out for, as the worse thing the others tend to do is bicker relentlessly. The pair have been joined at the hip ever since Price made his inspiring speech after the Incident, about how they are all still Later-Day Saints, and they are always getting into all sorts of trouble. 

Perhaps if Price wasn’t Connor’s weak spot, it would be easier. But every time he tells off the puppy-eyed boy, with his perfect hair and his oddly pink lips that he just wants to immerse himself in, it’s obvious his heart isn’t into the scolding. Connor is wrapped about Price’s little finger, and every man and his dog knows it. With those painfully beautiful eyes of Price’s, he has managed to coerce McKinley into being lenient with many rules, especially the curfew, which is frustrating for many, as no one is ever sure where Cunningham and Price have run off. Usually Connor just lets them go, but he swore to himself that next time it happens, he’ll go out and find them himself. Just to see if they’re safe, of course.

The one thing Connor forgets is he actually has to follow through with his words. 

“Um, Elder McKinley, have you seen Elder Cunningham? Nabulungi left her typewriter here and since Arnold and her are....” Poptarts trails off, wriggling his fingers in the air as a replacement for an answer. Luckily Poptarts does not have to continue with his awkward explanation, as Elder Neeley answers the question instead.  
“Oh, I saw him and Elder Price go out, maybe half an hour ago. Ah... I wasn’t supposed to tell Elder McKinley. Sorry. Well, they said something about Nabulungi, so you’ll probably find them at her place.”  
After a few moments, Neeley hesitantly retreats from the room, and Connor sighs before removing himself off the couch he is nestled into.  
“I’ll take the typewriter to her. You can stay here, Poptarts, I’ll be fine.” He plucks the device from a grateful Poptarts’ arms before walking outside, very conscious that he is breaking both rule 23, breaking curfew, and rule 72, leaving his companion behind. Well, Price was always telling him he needs to loosen up, maybe this was the start. 

‘Maybe Price will like me more if I do,’ a hopeful voice at the back of his mind states, before it is violently shoved into a box and promptly crushed. Old habits die hard. Price is completely and utterly straight, so Connor needs to stop pining after the boy. Thinking otherwise will just cause him further grief. The thought alone makes him want to cry. 

Connor glances up to the tree on the hill, wondering if anyone would notice if he took a detour, but he stiffens when he sees a lone figure seated cross-legged and staring at the moon. It doesn’t take long for Connor to identify the figure as Elder Price; how could he not know who belonged to that beautiful hair and those elegantly long legs? Connor stands motionless for a moment, not sure if he should approach. Arnold wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so he probably wants to be by himself...

Before he can stop himself, he starts the trek up the hill to where Price is seated, then carefully puts the typewriter down before placing a hand on his shoulder. Price flinches before whipping around to stare at Connor.  
“Oh, Elder McKinley, it’s just you.” He relaxes, gesturing for Connor to sit next to him, an offer he takes without hesitation.  
“You’re probably here to tell me off for breaking curfew rule, right?” Price jokes, glancing at Connor who was trying to figure out the most appropriate, platonic distance between them should be. 

“Yep, that’s mostly it. And for breaking rule 72, I can’t see Elder Cunningham anywhere. Oh, and the coffee drinking rule, and the one about wearing your uniform correctly...” Connor leans forward and tugs on Price’s shirt collar, which has the top two buttons undone to reveal the complete lack of temple garments, and his tie is no where to be seen. Connor should be irritated by it, but instead, a little shiver runs down his spine. 

“Elder McKinley?”  
Connor jumps, removing his hand from Price’s collar and carefully folding it in his own lap. When he dares to look up, Price is giving him a half-smirk, a knowing smile that embarrasses Connor to the core. Connor glares back, but there is no heat behind it.  
“If you’re wondering where Arnold is, he’s at Naba’s. I wouldn’t try finding him if I was you, they’re... You know.”  
“You know?” Connor asks innocently, only partly playing oblivious. He is still mostly a good Mormon boy, after all. Price smirks again, then leans in until his mouth is almost touching Connor’s ear. Connor prays that Price does not hear the quiet gasp that the motion elicits from the older boy, because that would be cripplingly embarrassing.  
“You know... They’re having sex.”  
“Elder Price!” Connor exclaims, pushing Price away to try and cover the tips of his ears that are burning red. Price bursts out laughing, doubling over harder as he sees Connor glaring at him. When Price stops laughing, eventually, he sighs and turns to face Connor with a slight smile.  
“Kevin. Call me Kevin. Elder Price... He’s someone else. In the past.”  
Connor’s heart skips a beat, before he scolds it by reminding it that Elder P -Kevin- simply doesn’t like the rules and it is nothing about wanting to be closer to Connor.  
“Sure. I can do that... Kevin.”  
Kevin gives him a wide grin, one that fills Connor up with a warm feeling. Dang it, maybe Connor’s crush is a little more intense than he thought...  
“Well Kevin, you can call me Connor.”  
Both Kevin and Connor are surprised by this. Connor isn’t even sure why he said it.  
“Your name is Connor?”  
After an embarrassed nod, Kevin lets out a short laugh.  
“Connor. Connor, Connor, Connor. It suits you.” The way Kevin rolls his name on his tongue does awful things to Connor, and he has no idea how he stops himself from lunging over and pressing his lips against Kevin’s, pushing him against the tree as he sits in his lap and-  
“Er, thank you.” Connor squeaks, furiously blushing at his thoughts.  
They lapse into silence, Connor kicking himself for being awkward. It’s just Kevin Price! Dazzling, super Mormon who was destined to change the world, who is drop dead gorgeous and is looking like the epitome of all of Connor’s sinful thoughts! On that note, maybe he has a reason to be nervous. 

“So, what are you doing up here?”  
“I needed to be alone. Shocking, I know, but it happens.”  
“Oh. Sorry, I’ll leave you alone then, I’m so sorry for interrupting-“ As Connor tries to scramble up from his spot on the grass, Kevin leans forward and grabs his forearm, staring at Connor with an odd expression. “No, it’s okay... please stay. I like your company.”

Connor tries to suppress the wide smile that is appearing on his face as he settles back on his spot on the grass, very aware that Kevin is shuffling closer so that their knees are touching as they sit side by side.  
“I wanted to be alone because while Arnold is my best friend, truely, he sometimes... Isn’t the best person to talk to about some things. And he’s always fawning over Naba every second of everyday, so it’s hard to even talk about my issues to him.”  
“Aw, is the famous Kevin Price not in the spotlight for once?” Connor teases, giggling when Kevin shoves him in the side.  
“Hey, I don’t tease you on your issues!”  
“And what are my issues?” Connor asks, curious to hear the words from Kevin. His heart races when Kevin’s eyes flicker down from Connor’s eyes to his lips, but the glance is so quick that he could have misread the situation. Kevin is straight, and if he wasn’t, there is a very slim chance that he would even be attracted to Connor.  
“Your... tendency... to ‘turn it off’. You said that you weren’t going to anymore, but you still do and it’s sad to see.”

It wasn’t the answer Connor expected, and he knows Kevin knows it.  
“Well, 20 years of living in a strict, conservative Mormon family and 10 years of active repression really does that to a guy. It is easier said than done.”  
Kevin absently nods, deep in thought. It’s odd to see the boy look so serious without him also loudly complaining about something. Quiet, reflective Kevin is something Connor could easily get used to.  
“My mission wasn’t what I thought it would be. Sometimes I can convince myself that it was... better? Amazing?”  
“Something incredible?” Connor offers, beaming when it earns him a warm smile.  
“Yeah. Something incredible. When Arnold is around it’s easier to forget my doubts, he has this energy around him that convinces you that everything is going to be okay. And when I see the villagers, the community we have created is something to be proud of. We did that. The elders here have done something truely incredible, and I would not trade that for the world... Most of the times.  
“Other times... Like now... I like to ask God why it had to come along like... this. Why does he let bad things happen to me? I know I have some character flaws, but I hardly think that deserves me witnessing someone being shot and their blood cover me.”  
Connor remembers the day in a haze. It was a stressful day to begin with, but when Kevin ran in soaked in blood while declaring that he needed to be transferred added a whole new level of stress. Not to mention the fact that when Kevin had grabbed Connor’s face, he was so, very sure he was going to kiss him... Connor likes to think that he played off his desperate lean into Kevin as him tripping, but Poptarts unhelpfully told him that it was very obvious to everyone except Kevin. He never brought it up again because the fact that the only thing that Connor could focus on was kissing Kevin burned him with embarrassment. He was supposed to be the district leader over everything, and that is not what leaders do.  
“The shooting really got to me. I honestly thought that was going to be the worst thing to ever happen to me, but oh boy, was I wrong. Then there was the whole hell dream- I honestly don’t understand how you have them every night.”  
“It’s hard. They are still terrifying, awful, humiliating, uncomfortable, and other things, but you just... turn it off.”  
Kevin rolls his eyes at Connor, then fondly shakes his head before returning to the serious, contemplating look that has dominated his face for the past few minutes.  
“I have to agree with you on the describing words. Not the other thing though. The only way they’ll stop is if you talk through why your hell dreams are happening, then either stop doing what makes you feel guilty or just come to terms that maybe you aren’t doing anything sinful to begin with.”  
“You make it sound so simple.” Connor scoffs, hoping this doesn’t lead where he thinks it will. His last few hell dreams have gotten... Creative, to say the least. They usually star his family, who remind him that he is a disappointment for failing his mission, failing as district leader by not being able to keep his boys in line. As usual, Steve is there, but more in the background these days. The resident temptation in his hell dreams has been replaced by no other than Kevin Price, who relentlessly insults and degrades Connor, accompanied with exploring touches and invading kisses that disgust Connor by how much he likes them. With each dream, the touching gets worse, dirtier and more lewd every time, so much so that Connor can barely look real Kevin in the eye.  
The worse part is that Connor desperately wishes for a man who would touch him in that way, now that he feels less apprehensive about the issue. No, scratch that; Connor wants Kevin to touch him in that way. Might as well throw out the sex before marriage rule if he was going to break other rules. Right? 

“What are your hell dreams about, Connor? You don’t have to answer, I just want to help you out. Maybe I’ll be the one to stop them for you!”  
“How altruistic of you.” Connor sighs, wondering if he should tell Kevin about the nature of his hell dreams. He seems so enthusiastic to help Connor, with this excited gleam in his eye, so he might as well humour him. What is the worst thing that could happen?  
“Well... They usually start with my family. Calling me a disappointment and all, the usual. Reminding me that I’m not the perfect Mormon kid they wanted me to be, how my mission failed, how I’m never going to be happily married to a nice, Mormon girl and have a few kids with her. Steve, my old best friend is there, I’ve talked about him before. And also... Never mind. It’s just overwhelming and too real, I guess.”  
For some reason, Connor feels as if he is lying to Kevin. Omitting a few truths isn’t lying, right? Especially when those truths are slightly... Very... Perverted, and are about the man in question.  
“That sounds a lot more real than mine.” Kevin quietly replies after a few moments of reflection.  
“Mine had... God, it started off in Orlando, and I was so dang happy, and then it just went downhill from there. A lot of demons singing and dancing, and Jesus called me a dick. It doesn’t sound that scary when I put it like that, but it was. My dad was there. The General was Satan, which made a lot of sense considering...” Kevin shivers, rubbing his arm subconsciously. It hurt Connor’s heart thinking of it, and made him a little curious. Kevin never told anyone what happened to him on that fateful day were he went to the General’s camp, but it resulted in shattering Kevin’s belief in God almost completely. And to think, if Connor hadn’t dismissed him to follow Arnold’s success, that wouldn’t have happened...  
“There was a few really horrible people there too, O.J’s lawyer and stuff. And Hitler.” Kevin frowns, awkwardly pausing before muttering something that Connor doesn’t catch.  
“Pardon?” Connor politely asks, confused as Kevin turns bright red. It is, however, a very cute look on him.  
“I said... You. You were in it. My hell dream. Wearing this... Really tight red sequin outfit. With this really long feather boa. And you kinda...”  
“What did I do?” Connor found himself asking, almost breathlessly. Kevin glares at him before blurting out, “You gave Hitler a blowjob. And you wouldn’t stop touching me...” When Kevin’s voice wavers at the end of the sentence, Connor can tell that the situation had made Kevin heavily uncomfortable. Oh, gosh, what if Kevin is uncomfortable with him?  
“Do I make you uncomfortable, Kevin? Because if I do, I can definitely be less... Flamboyant. If that’s what you want!”  
Both the boys flinch at the word, but not for the same reasons.  
“What? No! I don’t want you to stop being who you are! I’m not scared of you, Connor. If anything, I’m scared of myself.”  
“How else can you explain me showing up in your hell dream acting in that manner?”  
It takes a few moments of Kevin looking at Connor with a raised eyebrow for him to understand. When it does finally click, it’s as if a blindfold has been torn from his eyes and he can see the truth revealed to him, clear as day.  
“Oh.” Is all he can muster, and his heart falls as quickly at Kevin’s nervous and disheartened expression. “You... Like me? As in, like like me?”  
“What is this, elementary school?” Kevin jokes, nervously carding a hand through his hair. Connor then realises how it must look from Kevin’s point of view, as he hasn’t actually admitted that he feels the same. It’s now or never.  
“I do too. I think you’re... kinda… neat?” Connor goes to scold himself for the wording, but Kevin beats him to it with a mischievous look in his eye. “Really? You think I’m only ‘kinda neat’?”  
“Alright, egomaniac. I think you’re amazing. Incredible. With great hair and a beautiful voice that could land you on Broadway if you wanted to. I love and hate how you’re so stubborn, and how you are so great with kids, and how your eyes aren’t just brown, they’re speckled with gold and green and I can just get lost in them...” Once Connor starts gushing, he can’t stop. He’s wanted to say all of this since he met Kevin, and now he has the opportunity to do so. Kevin is looking at Connor with a strange expression, a carefully restrained expression that is prickling with interest.  
“...And gosh, you have the pinkest lips I’ve ever seen and I just want to-“ Connor forces himself to stop talking, mostly out of his habit of switching off his gay thoughts instead of any actual reason. Kevin frowns slightly, leaning towards Connor a fraction.  
“No, no, go on. What do you want to do?” His voice is low and husky, dripping with invitation. After taking a shaky breath, Connor manages to whisper his reply, “I want to kiss you. So, oh so badly.”  
Connor doesn’t ramble on after that. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t, as Kevin decided that was the time he was going to lean in the final inch and press his warm lips against Connor’s. The kiss is sweet, chaste, and leaves him with a wonderful cloudy feeling in his chest. It only lasts a few moments, and when it ends, Connor finds himself lost in Kevin’s eyes, his breathing slightly ragged. He’s only slightly embarrassed by how excited he is about the situation.  
“Is this okay?” Kevin quietly asks, his hand hovering in the air next to Connor’s face. There is a light blush covering Kevin’s face, and Connor can’t help wondering if his face is the same. Instead of answering the question, he simply puts his hand on Kevin’s collar to guide his face to his own, slotting their mouths together with a little more force than the last kiss. Kevin’s hand instantly springs to the side of Connor’s face and slightly caresses his jaw, trying to act not as enthusiastic as he obvious is. 

The hand that isn’t in Kevin’s collar winds its way into Kevin’s hair and without thinking, Connor lightly pulls. Kevin hisses against the sensation, but before Connor can pull away to apologise, Kevin has pulled away so that he can hook a leg over Connor’s lap, efficiently straddling him and crowding him against the tree, and Connor realises that Kevin likes it. This kiss is a lot deeper, and less innocent, especially when Connor feels Kevin’s tongue lick against his bottom lip. The action sends sparks down his spine and into an area that is currently getting more attention than it ever has in Connor’s life, so he eagerly opens his mouth to allow Kevin’s curious tongue explore the inside of his mouth. 

Out of smug curiosity, Connor pulls Kevin’s hair again, and almost gasps when Kevin moans into his mouth, and the kiss suddenly becomes much more overwhelming and hot. Kevin is getting desperate to be as closer to Connor as he can, so he gets his revenge from the hair pulling by grinding his hips down into Connor’s, causing a few shocked groans fly out of his mouth. It very quickly turns into a competition to see who can make the other make the loudest noise, and soon they are shamelessly rutting against each other and moaning into the others mouth, fingers desperately finding bare skin where they can find it. When Kevin removes his lips from Connor, it’s only so he can attack the side of his neck with open mouthed kisses, and bites, when Connor starts to pull his hair again.

“Oh, gosh, Kevin... Please, don’t stop.” Connor weakly moans, sighing loudly when Kevin pulls his head up to smirk at him.  
“What don’t you want me to stop, Connor?” Kevin innocently asks, grinning when Connor groans out of frustration.  
“Is it this that you want? Or this?”  
He presses a hand to the front of Connor’s pants, gently stroking the very noticeable bulge there, biting his lip when Connor starts whimpering slightly. He then presses another kiss to Connor’s lips, gliding his tongue over his bottom lip, but nothing more than that. Connor, who is usually so well prepared and well-spoken, only replies with a quick nod and a loud moan as Kevin’s gentle stroking becomes a firm hand pushed up against him, applying pressure to an area that has been relatively untouched before now. 

Connor puts his hands on Kevin’s waist and impatiently grinds him down more, panting into Kevin’s mouth. When Kevin doesn’t do anything more, a flash of irritation floods through Connor. He’s done enough waiting to have Kevin Price, so he isn’t going to wait a moment longer, gosh dang it! He moves his hands up to Kevin’s shoulders and forcefully pushes Kevin so he’s lying on the ground, then he mirrors what Kevin did before and straddles him, grinning down at him before kissing him again, hard and needy. He pulls back and sits against Kevin’s hardness, earning him a breathy moan, before playfully toying with his belt and slowly undoing it, all without tearing his eyes from Kevin’s. That’s how he knows something is wrong. A flash of fear races across Kevin’s face, only for a moment, but it’s enough to make Connor stop.

“Kevin, sweetheart, is there a problem?” Connor murmurs, moving his hand to hold Kevin’s. A parade of emotions swamp his face, and when they settle down, all that is left is uncertainty.  
“Um... Yeah. A little. I just... It isn’t about you, or this, this is amazing...”  
Connor just watches as the usually confident elder underneath him struggles to explain himself, confused and a little upset, but not because they aren’t kissing or doing more. He’s more upset about the fact that something has happened to Kevin that Connor doesn’t know about that is directly linked with being intimate... Realisation hits him, and it isn’t a good realisation.  
“Kevin,” He slowly chokes out. “Is this about the General?”  
The way Kevin flinches at the mention of his name says enough for Connor, but he still gives him a small and timid nod too. Connor presses his free hand to his mouth and pleads, prays that the theory he just thought of isn’t the reality. By the way Kevin is almost in tears, his prayers are most likely not going to be true.  
“Well, I guess I owe you an explanation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not only am I going to skip out on the smut, the next chapter is a flashback to the General's camp! So either buckle up for some pain and horror, or skip right on to chapter 3, where it's more like this chapter.


	2. Can I Just Turn It Off?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THE THINGS SAID IN THE TAGS.  
> Please don't, this is extremely graphic and you have been warned.  
> It is what I imagined to have happened in the General's camp, so you can read chapter 3 without reading this chapter first.

The evening was going amazingly well, Kevin reflects, especially when Connor decided that he wanted to cut to the chase and remove some clothing, right then and there. In theory, there’s nothing more he’d rather be doing than taking off his clothes and pushing himself into Connor, making him beg for more and pleasuring him so intensely that he forgets his name and all the years of hatred and repression. Connor deserves that. He’d thought about it before, especially since the hell dream. He isn’t going to admit it, but he broke his vow of chastity a while ago, with a few strokes of his hand and the thought of Connor in that amazingly tight red outfit he wore in his hell dream fresh in his mind. No, he hadn’t thought about Connor, as he didn’t know the man’s name then. It was Elder McKinley and boy, didn’t that title do something something to Kevin. He was embarrassingly aware he had a weird complex involving authority figures, and Elder McKinley was no different. But that was something for a latter day.

It was an amazing feeling, and since then, he’s been desperate to have the real Connor make him feel the same way. It’s strange, as he hadn’t really thought this way about anyone before, not in such an intense manner. And especially not about another man. Connor made him feel things that scared him, especially when he started to undo Kevin’s belt. It wasn’t intentional, but Kevin couldn’t stop thinking about the events at the General’s camp. He was pinned down, not like how Connor is pinning him down now, but that didn’t seem to matter to his brain. The thing that both situations had in common was that they both started with the belt. 

“Well, I guess I owe you an explanation.” Kevin half-heartedly jokes, but Connor doesn’t laugh. He simply gets off Kevin’s lap and gently sits next to him, peering down at Kevin with a mixture of concern, fear, and kindness. Connor is definitely the right person to talk to about this, and he has to eventually tell someone, right? The only other soul that knows, besides the General himself and his henchmen, is Gotswana, the doctor, and all he did through the whole procedure was mock him. That was mostly the reason why he didn’t tell anyone. Who wouldn’t laugh when something told them that they had a book shoved up their ass? To be honest, if it hadn’t happened to Kevin himself, he would have probably laughed too. But it did happen to him. And the thought of it made him want to throw up, so excuse him if he didn’t want to tell anyone about it.

“No, no, you don’t owe me anything, Kevin. It was obviously a traumatic event, and I completely understand if you don’t want to tell me.”  
“But I want to tell you.” Kevin insists, sitting up and facing Connor. His eyes flick over Connor for a split moment, drinking in the loosened tie and the few undone buttons, the untucked shirt and wild ginger hair that is usually so well maintained. Elder McKinley is an organised, confident district leader that has a perfect Mormon image to maintain, and routinely keeps a group of teenage boys from accidentally killing themselves from stupidity. Connor is a shy, debauched teenage boy who was moments away from loosing his virginity. Kevin doesn’t know which one he prefers, if he is being honest. Both are kind, and both make Kevin feel things that equally parts excite and embarrass him.

“It’s probably best to start from the beginning. When that guy was shot in the face, I was completely lost. I don’t remember much of that day except the sound of the gunshot, the feeling of the blood on my face... Talking to you about the mission president. My faith was shaken, and I just wanted out of there as quick as possible. And then I had my hell dream and I knew I couldn’t do that. Arnold was off doing his thing, everyone had a part to play, and you had tossed me aside...”  
Connor cringes, grabbing Kevin’s hand and muttering, “I’m really, truely sorry about that, I was so caught up with pleasing the mission president-“  
“It’s okay, really, it’s not your fault. I was an asshole and I needed the reality check. But it did make me realise I needed to do something else, I still needed to prove to everyone that I was Kevin Price, Super Mormon, and when someone said that it take something incredible to change the General’s mind... I went for it. I strengthened my faith and charged into his camp, and I was so sure he was going to listen to me until...”  
He doesn’t mean to, but he lets out a quiet whine, tightening his grip on Connor’s hand. Nothing is said for a few moments as Kevin replays the events in his head.

* * *

“So?”  
Kevin turns to the General with a wide smile, all nerves about his plan erased. This is what God wanted from him, this is his real mission! However, his doubt returns when the General slaps the book from his hand, then gestures to him again to summon his two henchmen.  
“Jumamosi!” He calls, presumingly the name of one of men, but before he can ask, his arms have been grabbed and they start dragging him away.  
“Wait!” Kevin helplessly cries, struggling against the men’s hold. “God has spoken to me, sir!”  
He watches as the General picks up Kevin’s copy of the Book of Mormon, giving it a once over before flashing him an evil grin. As fear settles over Kevin, he tries to break free from the clutches of the two much stronger men, to no prevail. “The power Of God Almighty, touch me not!” He calls out, hoping it scares him into releasing him. When the General keeps walking towards him, he tries again. “Uh, the power of Christ compels you!” What are they, vampires? Evidently not, as the words do nothing, and Kevin’s heart sinks when he sees the General take off his shirt, and the men start dragging him to a small hut that is part of their camp. “Wait, what are you doing?” Panic has started to set in, as he is truely bewildered by what is about to happen to him. Will he be tortured? Killed? Given a talking to and sent out without a scratch on him? As improbable as it is, he desperately hopes it’s the last one.  
The door is slammed open to reveal a mostly empty room with a large wooden table in the centre, covered in bits of paper and weaponry. To Kevin’s confusion, the General surges forward and pushes all the clutter to the floor, effectively clearing the table, then motions for the men to push Kevin’s chest onto the table. A nervous thought prickles at the back of his head; Is the General about to... Rape him? But he’s a man! Men don’t get raped!

“Let me go!” Kevin yells, managing to overpower the men for a single moment so he can turn around to look the General, who is thoughtfully examining the book in his hands. At his cry, the General looks up to give Kevin a hard stare and a wide grin.  
“Oh, no Elder. Letting you go would not be as fun as what I have planned for you. You see, you Mormon missionaries are nothing but trouble. You have made the villagers defiant and filled their heads with lies and false hope, which makes me angry. So I am going to make an example out of you, Elder... What is your name again?”  
He opens the book and glances at the first page. The book is Kevin’s private copy, as he didn’t think he was going to go back to the mission hut before his Hell Dream, so of course it has his name in it.  
“Elder Kevin Price.”  
Kevin shutters at the way his name sounds in the General’s mouth, hating how he makes it sound like an insult. He freezes as the General takes a step closer to Kevin, his eyes boring into him with a hungry and unfamiliar look.  
“Well, Elder Price, I am going to make an example out of you, to show all of your stupid fucking Mormon friends, so they know not to cross General Butt Fucking Naked.”

Kevin doesn’t do anything, just fearfully stares back and digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands, only partly conscious that he’s developing bruises where the men are tightly holding his arms, and where the table is digging into the back of his thighs. Kevin sends out one last desperate prayer, pleading with God to spare him from this terrible fate, asking for a thousand Hell Dreams in exchange for his innocence to not be ripped from him. Please, God, not like this. Please.  
The General chuckles, bringing a hand up to wipe the sweat off Kevin’s forehead, then he cocks his head to the side.  
“What’s the matter, Elder Price? Are you scared?”  
The mocking tone is enough to make Kevin look away out of shame. He knows what is about to happen, but he refuses to think that there is nothing that is going to stop it.  
Suddenly, the General’s fingers make their way to Kevin’s belt, where he teasingly undoes it as slowly as he can, knowing that Kevin is almost on the brink of tears. When the belt is undone, he roughly turns Kevin around and slams his chest against the table, sniggering as Kevin starts thrashing around again, crying out, “No! No! Oh, please Heavenly Father, don’t let this happen to me!”  
The three men in the room burst out in laughter, which makes Kevin slump against the table out of embarrassment and shame. His God has abandoned him, and there is nothing he can do about it. 

“Your God isn’t going to help you, white boy, but it is very adorable that you think he is!” The General cries out of delight, finally pulling down Kevin’s pants to reveal his bare skin underneath. This was a bad day for him to not be wearing temple garments, but he didn’t wear them because the last pair were drenched in blood! Oh, how he hates Africa. How he hates Heavenly Father for letting this happen to him!  
“Oh, were you expecting something to happen, Elder Price? I am flattered.”  
“No, I had blood on them. Because you shot someone in the face in front of me!” Kevin growls, wondering where this defiance is coming from. The General simply chuckles again and slaps Kevin’s bare skin, making him flinch and fill with shame.  
“Oh, I did not realise that was you. All you white boys look the same to me. But I’m glad it was you, it makes this so much better than it already was!”  
Kevin can’t help himself. He hits his head against the table and lets the tears flow freely, ignoring how the men are laughing at his choked sobs. His life couldn’t get any worse than it already is, so he might as well cry about it. 

Kevin gasps out of shock as suddenly his lower half explodes in pain, and he manages to twist back to see the General has pulled his own pants down and has pushed himself into Kevin. Horror floods him, along with the overwhelming burning sensation that makes him cry out so loud it hurts his vocal cords. His fingers scrape against the wooden table as the man thrusts in and out of him, the pain threatening to make him pass out. He hopes that he passes out. It’s much better than having to experience this. He is suddenly thankful for the men holding him down, as his legs surely aren’t being much help with keeping him upright.  
An odd sensation takes over Kevin, as he realises that it isn’t hurting as much, and it almost, just almost, feels nice, if you get around the terrible burning ache and the probably imagined hot liquid that may or may not be blood dripping down his legs. His mistake is letting his mouth open slightly, as he moans slightly at the feeling. His eyes seal shut after that, hoping the General didn’t hear him, please, give him that...  
His prayers are not answered.  
“What, are you enjoying this, white boy?”  
The General leans over Kevin so that his mouth is next to Kevin’s ear, where he spits, “Fucking faggot. Not a good Mormon boy after all, huh?”  
Kevin just sobs out of shame, pain, and helplessness. Oh, he just wishes he was back at the mission hut, with the terrible beds and the awful food, even if the other Elder’s hated him. Even if Elder McKinley couldn’t look at Kevin in the eye unless it was out of disappointment. He could deal with that previously heartbreaking thought if he didn’t have to go through this.

“Well, if you enjoy being fucked by a man so much, then you must enjoy what I have up next for you.” The sinister laugh that accompanies chills Kevin to the core, and he can’t force down the rising panic threatening to overtake him. His breathing is short and ragged, and he feels as if he’s about to loss consciousness. The General pulls out of him and Kevin has to fight back the groan, turning it into another rack of sobs, and he braces for the General’s next move. It doesn’t come. Kevin tentatively opens an eye and glances over at the General, his heart in this throat as he sees him drizzling a strange liquid over... his copy of the Book of Mormon? No. No, that isn’t possible. He couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t actually work... Right?  
The General sees Kevin watching him with scared eyes, so he waves the soaking book in front of his face for a moment.  
“When you walked into my camp with all that fucking nonsense about your religion, and I wanted to tell you where to shove that stupid little book of yours. And then... Well, I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to show you!”  
A sharp metallic taste fills Kevin’s mouth, and he realises that he’s bit his tongue, but it is hardly the biggest thought on his mind at the moment. He couldn’t, he’s only joking, he’ll laugh in a few moments and throw the book aside... 

The General walks behind Kevin so he can’t see him anymore, and Kevin is still convincing himself it isn’t going to happen when a sharp corner pushes into him, slowly but surely, and oh fuck, it makes what the General was doing before feel like a gentle caress. Kevin’s throat is raw from screaming, unable to help himself, and he finds himself staring at a stain on the table to disconnect himself from the pain he’s going through. It’s too much. He wishes that the General would just kill him there. He tries not to focus on the way the liquid that is most certainly blood is trickling down his thighs and staining his pants that are bunched at his ankles, or how the paper is slicing his insides in a mortifying manner, or how the cool leather binding of the book is slowly becoming warmer the further in it’s pushed. 

He just stares at the stain, ignoring how his vision is wavering, and not just from the tears that are blinding him. Unconsciousness tugs at him, and he almost submits to it before a sharp, sting to his cheek jolts him back to reality, and he cries out again without caring about how much the men belittle him. His insides are on fire, being teared apart, and he just wanted to grab one of the guns lying on the floor and shoot himself in the face. 

He almost makes this a reality, too, after the General pulls his pants up again, and when the men holding his arms let go and he slides off the table onto the ground with an exhausted cry of pain. He stares at the closest weapon, a handgun, just out of arms reach, tempting him to stop the pain that hasn’t stopped. The book is still shifting uncomfortably inside of him, despite there being no one touching it. 

“Please,” Kevin finds himself mumbling. “Please just kill me now. Kill me, please!”  
The men start cackling, lightly kicking Kevin’s lower back in places that they know will aggravate the pain. Kevin simply closes his eyes and lays on the floor, having no energy to do anything, not even think. He can only think of one thing; that his God has abandoned him, and well... Fuck Him too. Hasa diga Eebowai. 

“Well, Elder Price, I’m impressed. I honestly did not think the book would actually go up there, but you have done the impossible! Now to show the others your feat, yes?”  
Panic strikes him again. No, he can’t let anyone know about this, this is too shameful. And if he told the Elders, what would they tell him to do? That’s right, turn it off. He doesn’t think he can turn off the memories he’ll have of this.

Kevin tries to struggle against the men as they haul him off the ground, but it’s so weak that it would be surprising if they even noticed. He lets himself get dragged across the ground and out the door, crying out when his legs hit a bump, or when the General slaps him right where it hurts with a dark chuckle. He feels used, dirty, broken, and in so much pain that he actually throws up, the men letting him go for a moment so he can fall to the ground and hurl his last meal up. He chokes on the vomit because he let out a cry at the same time, from the impact, and as he rests on his hands and knees, he cries out the rest of the tears he has in loud, racking sobs, the sobbing only broken by coughing and the occasional retching. 

Once he quietens down a little and stops throwing up, the men grab his arms again and throw him into the back of a Jeep, and he winces as the book tears further into him. He’s going to be feeling the book inside him for the rest of his life, he can tell, but his life won’t be much longer if he has a say in it. Everyone thinks he’s a failure anyway, so why the hell not!

He drifts in and out of consciousness as the car drives, and he doesn’t even care of the destination. He just hopes the Elders and the villagers don’t see him like this. Especially Arnold, no, he won’t be able to handle it. The other elders wouldn’t be able to handle it either, but Arnold would think it was his fault. It kind of is his fault, if he wants to be petty about it, but it isn’t fair of Kevin to put blame on him. It was his own stupid choice to march into the camp and think he could do something incredible. Well, he did do something incredible. Something incredibly stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid Kevin. 

His thoughts are forced to a stop when the car shutters to a halt, and soon enough, Kevin is being grabbed again and pushed into the ground. He absently fingers the dirt and grass underneath his hand for a moment before opening his eyes to see the General crouching over him and grinning. That is a sight that will haunt his nightmares forever.

“Well, white boy, this is your stop. Remember to tell all of the villagers that if they do not listen to my instructions, that this is only the start of it. What I will do next will make this-“ He gestures to Kevin as he says this, “-Look like nothing. Got it?”  
Kevin weakly nods, trying to hold consciousness just long enough for the General to leave him alone. Then he can die alone in the desert, with his pants undone and blood staining every piece of clothing, even his socks, and a book shoved up his ass.

“Good boy. Oh, also, you were a good fuck, Elder Price, so if you aren’t dead soon, I might find you again. You struggled a lot more than the others do, and I like that!”  
Kevin winces at the words and the laughter, but he forces his eyes to close and block out everything. After a painful clap on the shoulder, he’s left alone, the Jeep’s roaring engine dwindling into the distance. He allows himself to open an eye to glance around, and he feels relieved when he sees the familiar village of Kitguli. The nearest house is maybe 10 metres away, but for some reason, his voice fails him. Maybe it’s the relentless screaming he just took part in. It’s probably that. 

Kevin rests his forehead on the ground, gathering a drop of strength before pushing himself onto his hands and knees, tears pricking at his eyes again. How many tears can he cry before there are no more to shed? When he dies of dehydration? He manages to push the thoughts away and move his hands forward, then his knees, until he’d moved at least a metre. That’s progress! He starts gaining confidence, and manages to crawl another metre before fatigue hits him, hard, and he slumps towards the ground and sees nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now onto nicer things… And Connor's reaction.


	3. I Could Make You Feel A Whole Lot Better Than You Feel Today...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing takes time and determination.

“So… That’s what happened when I went to the General’s camp. It didn’t exactly go the way I thought it would.”  
Connor’s mouth is hanging open, and he would have a hand covering it if both his hands hadn’t been preoccupied with clutching Kevin’s as tightly as he could without breaking them. His cheeks have visible tear tracks on them, and he doesn’t seem in a hurry to brush them away. He just stares at Kevin, who has to look at the ground next to him. Reliving the memories brought back a lot of things he was trying to forget, and he almost regrets telling Connor.

“Oh my... Kevin, I am so sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry. I’m still here, huh? Still hanging on.” He means it as a joke, but fresh tears well up in Connor’s eyes. They don’t say anything for a moment, Connor trying to process the information, Kevin trying to forget everything.  
“Can... Can I touch you? I know we were, you know... kissing before, but I just wanted to ask.”  
“Um, yeah, you can. I’d really like that.”  
With that, Connor slides closer to Kevin and presses himself into Kevin’s chest, arms lightly folded around him and head tucked into the crook of his neck. Kevin’s heart swells slightly, and he buries his nose into Connor’s sweet smelling hair, holding him tight to his chest. They stay like that for a while, just embracing, not expecting anything more out of the moment then comfort. The moment is broken when a scary and startling thought occurs to him.  
“Connor, do you think I got AIDS off him? He did, you know... Oh my God, what if we had followed through just then? You would have gotten it too!”  
Connor lifts himself off Kevin’s chest to look at him with a concerned expression.  
“It’s... it’s possible. But it... It’ll be okay. Oh, and I’m sure Gotswana would have tested for that, don’t you think? He would have told you. And you could always, I don’t know, ask the General? He’s a Latter-Day Saint now.”  
Kevin flinches at the thought of it.  
“Oh, yeah, sure. I’m just going to waltz up to him and say ‘hey, remember when you were a really fucked up individual and you raped and permanently traumatised that skinny white teenager who was a Mormon missionary? Yeah, that was me, just catching up to ask if you had AIDS, because you might have given me it! Thanks!’ Oh, and I’d have to do that all without throwing up, because I haven’t been able to look at him straight without doing that.”  
“I was wondering why you’d disappear when he was around. Gosh, I didn’t realise that was why...”  
“You’d have to have a pretty screwed up imagination to have guessed ‘he shoved a book up my ass’.”  
Connor covers his mouth with his hand and lets out a strangled noise, and Kevin doesn’t know if it’s a laugh or a sob. It was a mildly funny comment, so he lets it pass.

“Kevin, I am so sorry I made you relive that, before. I... If I knew, I would have never-“  
“What, you wouldn’t have kissed me?” Kevin challenges, not knowing why he was suddenly riled up by how fragile Connor was treating him. Connor presses his lips together into a tight frown before gently adding, “I would have never pushed you as far as I did. I am sorry.”

Kevin stares at the ground next to them, the moonlight illuminating everything so it was almost as bright as day.  
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Connor. I... I wanted to kiss you. I wanted you to kiss me back. And oh, gosh, I wanted you to pull my hair. That was amazing. I wanted everything you gave me, and more, I still do, but I just... It might take some time. And also...” Kevin smirks, then puts a hand on Connor’s chest and leans in so they are breathing the same air.  
“Maybe next time I’m the one on top, okay? Mostly because that’s the way I’ve always imagined it, and believe me, I have imagined it quite a bit.”  
“Elder Price!” Connor breathes, an echo of when he said it before. Kevin didn’t realise that Connor could make his elder name sound hot, but wow, he did the impossible. Before Kevin can share this, Connor pulls away, then stands up, leaving Kevin frustrated and confused.

“I didn’t come up here just to kiss you, you know.”  
“Really? You could have fooled me.”  
That earns Kevin a twig thrown in his direction, which he manages to bat away with ease. Connor walks back from behind the tree with a typewriter, one that Kevin quickly identifies as Nabulungi’s.  
“Oh, you don’t want to give that back to her now, she and Arnold will not appreciate the company.”  
“I know. I either thought that I would be able to find her and give it back, or I’d find you and be able to have a chat.”  
“So you did come up here to kiss me!”  
“No! I was convinced you were straight up until after you told me I was in your Hell Dream! And it still took me a moment!”  
Kevin chuckles, grabbing Connor’s hand and absently rubbing his fingers, an oddly intimate gesture.  
“Oh, I know. The expression when it dawned on you was amazing.”  
“What can I say? A very handsome man told me that he had a crush on me, I wasn’t going to just believe it until you made it obvious. And I was also a little thrown off by the whole Hitler thing...”  
“You were thrown off by it? Imagine watching it! God, I never thought I’d be jealous of Hitler of all people...”  
That stops the conversation short. Kevin’s face turns bright red and he stares at the typewriter in front of him with an intense concentration. Connor leans forward with a dark expression and lifts Kevin’s chin up with a finger until he has to look Connor in the eye. Kevin becomes slightly less nervous when he sees the grin on Connor’s face.  
“Jealous, huh? Did you like what you saw? Do you like the idea of me on my knees, Kevin?”  
After a few moments of Kevin breathlessly staring at Connor, he whispers back, “I didn’t know you could talk dirty, Connor...”  
“For you, sweetheart, anytime.” Connor leans forward again to kiss Kevin, but stops short with a hairs width of distance between their lips. It’s a blatant invitation if he’d ever seen one, so he shifts forward to accept it. He sighs against Connor’s lips, content that he doesn’t have to imagine how soft they really are, that he can just lean forward and experience the magic himself.  
“You were my first kiss, by the way.” Kevin murmurs, lips still moving against Connor’s. Connor simply hums back his response and deepens the kiss, reaching up to tangle his hand in Kevin’s hair to lightly tug at it. The act steals Kevin’s breath and sparks something in him akin to a wildfire, the desire to push Connor to the ground and continue where they left off grows so strong he has to pull away. They can’t do that, not now. Not until he knows that he’s clean, he won’t do that to Connor.

“Is everything alright, sweetheart?” Connor murmurs, leaning forward to comb Kevin’s hair away his forehead.  
“Yeah, it’s just... Don’t want to take it too far right now. Maybe we should go back, the others will be wondering where you went.”  
“Maybe... But if we go back together they’ll think we were up to something, and I cannot deal with that right now.”  
“But we were up to something!” Kevin retorts, flashing Connor his classic grin that he knows will make Connor melt. Gosh, he’s so pretty. Connor rolls his eyes and grabs Kevin’s hand before absently pressing it to his cheek, sighing into the contact.  
“Yes, we were, but if we tell them that, the other elders will make a scene. Namely Poptarts and Neeley. They’ve been teasing me about my crush on you since that time I thought you were going to kiss me when you wanted to be transferred.”  
This is new information for Kevin, as he very clearly remembers that he never tried to make a move on Connor. He frowns as he scans the memory, how he was upset and wild, how he was so excited about the opportunity to leave that he had grabbed Connor’s face and...  
“I was going to kiss you.” Kevin states, grinning when Connor’s head snaps up to stare intensely at Kevin.  
“What? No you weren’t.” Connor sharply replies, obviously not believing him.  
“Well, yeah, I was. But not in a ‘I like you’ way, but in a ‘I’m so excited I could kiss you’ kind of way. I wasn’t thinking straight, okay!”  
Connor lets out a loud and long sigh, obviously annoyed by this information.  
“I knew I wasn’t reading into it! God, every single elder on the mission has teased me about that, and now I know that was your intent! Gah!”  
Connor flops down onto the ground out of frustration and glares at the night sky. Kevin tries to keep his laughing to himself, but he can’t. The whole situation is hilarious, and Connor is hopeless when it comes to these things, which just makes him even cuter.  
“You have to tell them.” Connor grumbles, finally looking at Kevin.  
“Or... I don’t tell them. Let you stew a little bit more.”  
“That isn’t nice, Kevin! How am I attracted to you, your personality is terrible.”  
“Well, I’ve been told I’m pretty good in bed.” Kevin means to say it as a lighthearted comment, but he can’t stop thinking about how the General did say that. He hopes that his first time with Connor is nicer than that.  
“Oh yeah? Who told you that, Mr. I-Just-Had-My-First-Kiss-Ten-Minutes-Ago?” Connor teases. He has a warm smile on his face that quickly slides off when Kevin doesn’t answer.  
“Oh. I apologise, that wasn’t a nice thing for me to say.”  
“No, I’m sorry that I brought it up. I’m starting to think I’m an expert at mood killing.” Kevin replies, ripping himself away from his memories to focus on Connor, who is still lying on the ground. His usually pristine shirt is going to be ruined from the dirt, but Connor doesn’t seem to care. His tie is the same blue one that he had on when they first met, the one that brings out the highlights in his eyes. When he looks up at said eyes, they are trained on Kevin and filled with heavy emotion, namely worry and complete affection. It’s very confusing.

“Connor, can I ask you a favour?”  
The question surprises both the boys, as Kevin isn’t even sure what he wants to ask.  
“Of course, sweetie. Ask away.”  
“Can, um... Arnold isn’t sleeping in my room tonight, for obvious reasons. I haven’t told him about the things I just told you, with the General, but he knows it’s real bad, so when I wake up in the night, he comforts me. Or if he’s asleep, it’s just nice to know there’s someone just there. He’s hard to miss, he snores.”  
“I know he snores, Poptarts and I can hear it from our room. And we’re on the other side of the hut.”  
“Yeah, it’s a little annoying. But, um, my point is...” Kevin trails off and stares up at the sky. Why is this so hard to ask?

“Are you inviting me to spend the night, Kevin Price?”  
They lock eyes again, but Kevin has to look away out of embarrassment. He isn’t embarrassed easily, and so he’s realising it isn’t a great feeling.  
“What, is the confident Kevin Price embarrassed?” Connor coos, sitting up and taking Kevin’s cheeks in his hands. Kevin tries to bat Connor’s hands away, but the hands slink around his neck and Connor pulls him closer for a warm kiss. Kevin instantly stops struggling and places his hands on Connor’s hips, gently stroking his skin through the smooth fabric of his shirt. The kiss is slow and addicting, and Kevin finds himself unable to stop, not wanting to stop. Don’t they have somewhere to be? It doesn’t matter now, the only thing on Kevin’s mind is Connor, Connor, Connor. 

His hands curl into the shirt and he crumples it in his fists so he can tug Connor closer so they’re chest to chest, and his lips don’t stop moving against the other’s. He groans into Connor’s mouth when his fingers find Kevin’s hair and start pulling again, God, why is that so satisfying? Kevin is suddenly set on finding Connor’s vulnerable spot, so he lets his hands wander over Connor. He responds beautifully to all of Kevin’s exploring touches, but when Kevin untucks Connor’s shirt and glides his fingers up his back, Connor actually gasps while arching his spine, effectively pushing his body flush against Kevin’s. When Kevin doesn’t stop moving his hand, Connor stops kissing him and buries his face into the crook of Kevin’s neck, making noises that sound a lot like whimpers. It worries Kevin a little, but when he stops moving his hands Connor reacts in a very strange way.  
“Stop and you die.” He growls, the vibration of his voice going straight to Kevin’s groin. Kevin is eager to continue, fuelled by Connor’s desperate sounds and nails digging into Kevin’s shoulder blades that he is surprisingly turned on by. The situation is incredible dirty, which is odd for two freshly ex-Mormon missionaries, but at the same time, it makes sense. This situation is the breaking point for both of their repression, Connor more so than Kevin. Kevin didn’t even know that he was repressing being gay. He still doesn’t know if he is gay... He just knows that he loves the sensations Connor is giving him, and the feeling of Connor’s hardness against his own thrills him in ways unprecedented. If they aren’t careful, Kevin might have to insist breaking their promise of keeping this to kissing tonight, because Connor is overloading his senses in a way that has his brain screaming at him to follow through. He almost, just almost voices this want with Connor. He goes far as bringing Connor’s face up to his own and opening his mouth to speak, but the moment is broken by a different, distant voice, “Elder McKinley? Are you out here?”

The boys stare at each other out of alarm, then try to spring away from each other but land in a heap on the ground, a tangle of limbs. They have enough time to untangle from each other and to hurriedly fix the others hair and shirt before they see a shadowed figure walking up the hill.  
“Oh, here you are, Elder McKinley, and oh! You found Elder Price...”  
The figure, who is Elder Poptarts, stops and looks at the two boys on the ground. Poptarts’ eyes narrow for a moment, and he tilts his head slightly as he looks from Kevin to Connor. Kevin dares to glance at Connor, who still hasn’t regulated his breathing, and who has suspicious marks up the side of his neck that are painfully visible in the bright moonlight. Kevin tries to give Poptarts his iconic smile to distract him from Connor’s disheveled nature, but a thought occurs to him that he probably wouldn’t look any more put together.

“I was going to ask how it takes an hour to get to Nabulungi’s place, and what on earth happened to you,” Poptarts slowly says, eyeing Kevin suspiciously, “But it appears I have my answer.”  
“This isn’t what it looks like!” Connor hurriedly replies, causing Kevin to give him a confused frown. Poptarts has the exact same look on his face.  
“Yeah, sure, and I hate poptarts. Now get back to the Mission Hut before the other elders think you’ve been eaten by lions or something, everyone worries when you break the rules.”

Kevin and Connor share a longing look before collecting the typewriter and dejectedly following Poptarts down the hill and back inside. Somewhere in the trek, Kevin slips his hand into Connor’s free one, and he grins at how exhilarating the simply act is to him. Connor appears to be thinking the same thing, based on how he beams at Kevin when they make eye contact. Arnold is going to be upset that Kevin didn’t tell him about his feelings for Connor until after they got together, but when he sees them together, he’ll quickly forget, he knows it.

“Er, Poptarts, I’ve got to say something before we go inside...” Connor hesitantly says as they approach the door. Poptarts spins around and raises an eyebrow.  
“You don’t need to tell me that you and Elder Price are together, I know you are. I’m surprised that you’ve lasted this long being able to keep your hands off each other. I’m also a little hurt you didn’t tell me that you’ve been been secretly dating, I am your closest friend...”  
“Wait... What? We haven’t been ‘secretly dating’. We aren’t dating at all!” Kevin replies for Connor, confused by the hurt look on Connor’s face. Then it hits him, and he hastily adds, “Because we haven’t actually had time to discuss it... We only knew about each other’s feelings about an hour ago...”  
Poptarts frowns, then snorts before shaking his head in an tired manner.  
“Gosh, you two are helpless. You’ve been pining after each other for months and you only just realised?”  
Connor glares at Poptarts, who shrugs and smiles.  
“I’m spending the night in Kevin’s room.” Connor smoothly adds, blushing when Poptarts wags his eyebrows suggestively.  
“Ooo, okay then, just remember that the walls are really thin and we are good Mormon boys who will be traumatised by anything you do.”  
“We aren’t going to do anything! Just sleeping!” Connor hisses in response. Poptarts simply laughs in response and finally opens the door into the Mission Hut. Kevin tightens his grip on Connor’s hand and leads him straight to Kevin and Arnold’s room, closing it before any of the elders can talk to them. Connor sets down the typewriter and glances around the room, wrinkling his nose at Arnold’s side of the room.  
“I see that this room has changed considerably since the last time I was in here.”  
“What? Oh, yeah, it’s been Arnold-fied, as Naba and I say.”  
Connor snorts and then makes his way to Kevin’s bed, and suddenly the silence becomes awkward. 

“I hope you realise I’m not sleeping in Arnold’s bed.”  
“I didn’t want to you.” Kevin boldly replies, smirking as Connor’s cheeks turn red.  
“Well, um, how you do what to do this...?”  
“Well, I’m not sure about you, but I’m not sleeping in these clothes.”  
Kevin follows through with his words and he starts undoing his shirt, neatly putting it away along with his shoes and socks. As he steps out of his pants, he can feel Connor’s gaze on him, but he doesn’t make any indication that he notices him watching. The attention excites him, makes him feel desirable. Kevin knows he has a great body, and Africa has done wonders for it. Something about not having to worry about fatty food and the constant walking and physical exercise.

When he is just in boxers, he finally glances over at Connor, whose face is bright red, and he has only undone his tie and taken off his shoes.  
“Here, I’ll help you.” Kevin finds himself saying, walking over to Connor before gently pushing his hands away. Connor’s breath catches when Kevin slowly starts to undo his shirt, one button at a time, enjoying the desperate responses coming out Connor. He is so easy to tease, the poor thing, and Kevin is living for it. When all the buttons are undone, Kevin pushes the shirt to the floor, and with a quick nod from Connor as confirmation, he grips the bottom of Connor’s temple garment and pulls it over his head. Connor’s body is soft in the best way possible, and the orange freckles that cover his face are smattered over his shoulders and down the front of his chest. There isn’t many on his stomach or back, mostly ghostly pale skin, but it looks so smooth... Connor hums contently when Kevin leans down and gently kisses his bare shoulder, then leaves him to lay on the bed with his arms folded behind his head. 

He watches as Connor quickly unbuckles his pants and leaves them on the floor next to his shirt, obviously trying to ignore Kevin’s watchful eye, then settles himself into the bed next to Kevin. Well, he tries to lie next to him, but the bed is so small that he has to half lie on Kevin’s chest, which isn’t a problem. Kevin loves the feeling of Connor curled up next to him, how his oddly fruity scent permeates the room in the best way, how his soft hair gently tickles Kevin’s chin.  
“Goodnight, Kevin.” Connor murmurs, grabbing Kevin’s hand and placing it on his side so it is curled around Connor protectively. Despite Connor not being able to see it, he gives him a warm smile, then turns off the light and gently kisses him on the top of his head.  
“Goodnight, Connor. Also, what you said before... I think you’re kinda neat too.”  
Connor hums in response before snuggling closer into Kevin, then the pair drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of writing another chapter, but my motivation ran out. If you like this, do you want more? I was thinking of writing a scene were Arnold finds out about their relationship, or write a smutty scene. Which one should I do? Or should I do both? 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [EDIT]
> 
> So I’m going to write another chapter (or maybe more than one, let’s see what happens)! The next one will be about the other elders reaction, which I am having a lot of fun writing. If you guys have any ideas for what happens next don’t be afraid to tell me in the comments!


	4. You Say You've Got A Problem? Well That's No Problem...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other elders are all little shits and no one can tell me any different. I love them all so much...

The first thing Kevin notices when he wakes up is that he can’t breathe properly, but it doesn’t cause him to panic, it only stirs mild curiosity. He doesn’t want to open his eyes to discover what the problem is, so he simply tucks his chin in and buries his nose into soft, smooth... hair?  
That makes him open his eyes, and the sight he is greeted with gives him a shock. Elder McKinley is in his bed. No, scratch that; a shirtless Elder McKinley is in his bed. 

The memories from last night flood him, the confessions, the kissing, the very heated kissing, the reveal of what really happened to him at the General’s camp. More kissing. Falling asleep next to Connor. Most of last night was amazing, and he hopes this isn’t some weird one night thing, where Connor realises that he made a mistake and he needs to turn it off again. Connor is a stickler for the rules, and while he doesn’t realise it, automatically results to hiding his feelings away instead of dealing with them. A knot is starting to form in Kevin’s stomach as he overanalyses the situation, not able to stop the racing thoughts. Kevin isn’t really one for overthinking things, or for thinking about things at all before jumping into situations, so this is a new and scary feeling. 

Connor starts to stir from his position on Kevin’s chest, sleepily curling up closer into Kevin’s side. The act makes Kevin’s heart melt a little, so he carefully tightens his hold around Connor with the hope that he doesn’t notice.  
“Are you awake?”  
Damn it. Kevin silently curses at being discovered, then reluctantly replies, “I am now.”  
Kevin watches as Connor rolls over onto his stomach and rests his chin on Kevin’s chest, the expression on his face a cross between tired and content, and it does wonders to ease Kevin’s anxieties. For the next few moments, Connor doesn’t do anything past gazing at Kevin and drawing lazy patterns on Kevin’s skin, grinning when he breaks out in goosebumps. 

“We should probably get up now.” Connor nonchalantly says, not moving his eyes from Kevin’s. Kevin can hear the other elders in the rooms around them bustling around, getting ready for the day. Most of them will be working on making a new church/community centre, as they have for the last week, and the others will probably be teaching the kids of the village.  
“Do you want to get up?” Kevin asks, pulling Connor further up the bed so they’re lying next to each other. He realises how bad on an idea it is because suddenly Connor’s face is very close, and he can’t focus on anything else.  
“No. I just want to stay here with you.”  
“Well, I guess 5 more minutes won’t hurt. What do you say, district leader?” Connor giggles slightly, then gently grabs the back of Kevin’s head and draws him into a slow, lazy kiss. Kevin eagerly responds by pushing back and looping his arms around Connor’s waist, ghosting his fingertips along the exposed skin of his side and back and delighting in how beautifully Connor shivers at the contact. When they part, Kevin almost chases Connor’s lips because he doesn’t want to stop kissing Connor. He never wants to stop, screw breathing and other things that humans usually do.  
“Okay, that’s our 5 minutes up.” Connor sighs, propping himself up on an elbow and peering down at Kevin with a peculiar look. Kevin groans and slings an arm over his eyes, smiling when he hears Connor laugh at the action.  
“C’mon, up and at it.”  
“I knew being with you would be a bad idea, you’re way too responsible.” Kevin grumbles, glancing at Connor who is still next to him in the bed. He expects Connor to shoot back a retort, but he doesn’t get one, only a slightly hesitant look. Ah. This conversation.“Um… Kevin, I think we need to talk about… This.” He vaguely gestures between them, and Kevin’s heart sinks. He is not letting Connor go.  
“I want to date you.” Kevin announces, suddenly very interested in examining his hands. “I don’t care what anyone else says, or if it will be hard to do because we’re in Uganda. I really like you and I want to be in a relationship with you. If, er, if that’s okay with you.”  
He gains a spark of confidence to slowly look up and analyse Connor’s face, expecting to see a sign of him being uncomfortable with that idea. Instead, he is pleasantly surprised to see Connor giving him a wide smile.  
“It is very much okay with me. I was worried that you wouldn’t be okay with it.” “I’ve never wanted something more in my whole life.” Kevin admits, satisfied by how Connor’s cheeks and ears flush a bright red. He’s adorable.  
“Well, I-I guess with that out of the way… We should probably lay down some rules. For this relationship.”  
Kevin groans and closes his eyes. “Of course you’d want to get straight to the rules. Typical Elder McKinley.”  
“Hey, I just want this to work!” Connor retorts, his frown softening when he sees Kevin flash him a grin.  
“I know, I’m just kidding around. Okay, lay ‘em on me. You need me to sign something too?” Connor playfully slaps Kevin on the arm before rolling his eyes.  
“Okay, we should probably start with communication. If something is bothering you, especially if I’m the one bothering you, don’t be afraid to come straight to me. But not in the way that you would before…”  
“I’ll go to Connor instead of Elder McKinley?” Kevin offers, and Connor nods.  
“Well, if that’s true, then you have to come to me too. I know you don’t like talking about your issues with people, but I won’t be bothered by it. I promise. I doubt anything you’ve got can top what I told you last night.”  
Connor gives Kevin a sympathetic smile, then tangles their hands together. “I’ll hold you to that. You’ve been warned.”  
For the next few minutes they come up with ideas of their relationship, completely forgetting that they probably should be getting up for breakfast.  
“Er, one last one.” Connor fidgets slightly, examining Kevin’s hand in his own.  
“I don’t want to keep our relationship a secret. I’m done with hiding.” Connor firmly says, looking Kevin in the eye. Kevin pauses for a moment, his heart stuttering at how much he wants to say that he wants that too. When he realises his voice isn’t going to be helpful, he leans forward and passionately kisses him before drawing away again and replying, “I wouldn’t dream of keeping you hidden. I want to show you off for the whole world to see, Connor McKinley is my boyfriend!”  
Connor covers his eyes with a hand, sighing loudly. “Oh gosh, I knew dating an egomaniac was going to be a bad idea.”  
“But it’s worth it. I’m worth it.” Kevin proudly states, expecting Connor roll his eyes. Instead he watches Kevin with a small smile playing across his face, then murmurs back, “You are worth it. I wouldn’t trade you for the world.”  
Kevin tries his best not to preen at that, but it’s hard when Connor comes out with statements like that, and gives him that deep look that holds so much love and fondness that is only for Kevin. “I like waking up and having you in my bed.” Kevin replies, examining a line of freckles just above Connor’s top lip. They’re almost in a completely straight line, and he holds back the urge to trace it with his thumb. “It’s comforting. You’re very calming.”  
“Well, I was made district leader for a reason.”  
“So you can sleep in the same bed as the other elders?”  
That earns Kevin a hit across the head, and he laughs as the tips of Connor’s ears blush red.  
“Idiot. Because I’m approachable and know how to defuse negative situations in a calm manner.”  
“Sounds like someone swallowed a textbook.”  
“Oh, please, like you haven’t memorised the missionary handbook.”  
“Doesn’t every Elder?”  
“Not Arnold.”  
“Oh, yeah. But he hasn’t even read the Book of Mormon, he’s... special.”  
“Careful, that’s our prophet you’re talking about.” Connor teases, tracing his finger along Kevin’s jawline. It’s very distracting, and it fills Kevin with the urge to kiss him. He wistfully thinks about this for a moment, before realising that there isn’t anything stopping him from kissing him.  
“Why do you look surprised?” Connor asks, his fingers still continuing with their gentle caressing.  
“I just realised I can kiss you at anytime now. There’s nothing stopping me.” Kevin whispers, his heart racing when Connor gives him an awed look. Instead of verbally responding, Connor simply shuffled forward so their chests are touching and carefully brushes their lips together, electric sparking through Kevin in an addicting manner. Kevin chases Connor’s lips when he pulls away slightly, cupping his face to draw them closer so the kiss deepens. The kiss is slow and lazy, but neither of them are awake enough to put anymore effort in.  
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.” Connor murmurs, peering into Kevin’s eyes with a dazed look. Kevin sighs happily and pulls Connor closer to connect their mouths again. 

Just as Connor slides a hand up into Kevin’s hair, which is already sending him crazy at the thought of it, three loud knocks are heard from the door. They spring apart and stare at the door. Well, Connor stares at the door, Kevin stares at the hand that is accidentally placed very high up on his thigh.  
“Hey, Elder Price and Elder McKinley! Breakfast is ready!”  
“Ugh, Poptarts has probably beaten us to telling everyone.” Connor sighs, giving Kevin one last kiss before standing up to retrieve his clothes from the floor. Kevin shakes his head to get out of the daze he is in, then follows Connor’s lead. When they are both dressed, Kevin starts for the door before he is stopped by Connor tugging on his hand.  
“Are you nervous about what the other elders will say?” Connor asks, a curious look on his face. Kevin takes a moment to ponder the thought before shrugging.  
“They all seem supportive of the idea of us being together, so I don’t have a reason to be nervous. Should I be?”  
“Well… They might tease us. A lot. If precedent has anything to say.”“Then we’re just going to have to be grossly cute so we have the upper hand. You know, overshare and gross them out, it won’t be hard!” Kevin joyfully replies, ignoring Connor’s raised eyebrow.  
“Okay then. You underestimate those boys too much, which is going to be entertaining, I guess.”He leans up to give Kevin one last kiss before opening the door and leading Kevin out to the dining room. All of the elders except Arnold are at the table, their conversations mingling together so the room is almost too loud. However, when Kevin and Connor walk into the room, Elder Church spots them and hits Elder Poptarts to draw his attention to the pair. The room quietens quickly after that as all the elders focus on them. Their knowing smiles are almost intimidatingly smug.  
“Elders, did you all sleep well?” Connor announces, as if nothing new has happened. He’s still holding Kevin’s hand.  
“Did you sleep well, Elder McKinley? That’s the better question.” Elder Poptarts coyly replies, some of the elders snickering. When Kevin and Connor sit down at the table, the elders are still watching them, almost as if they are waiting for something. The tension is killing Kevin, so to cut through it, he awkwardly coughs and announces, “Connor and I are in a relationship. There, I said it!”  
The table erupts in cheers, and Elder Neeley who is at Kevin’s right pats him on the back and nods in solidarity. They have a grace period of roughly 10 seconds where they all shout their praise and support before they are bombarded with questions.  
“How long have you been together?” “Does Elder Price look nice without a shirt on?” “Have you kissed yet?” “Have you more than kissed yet?” Connor and Kevin exchange looks as they answer each question. Since last night. Very. Yes. Not exactly.  
Finally, the questions die down mostly, until it’s just Church looking between the two with a thoughtful look. “So, who’s the better kisser?”  
“Kevin.”  
“Connor.”  
They both say the others name at the same time, blushing when the elders laugh.  
“What!? Connor, you must have been good to make Kevin Price admit he’s second best at something.”  
Kevin leans over and puts his mouth by Connor’s ear, grinning when the action makes him noticeably shiver.  
“You get extra points because of the hair thing. That was amazing.”  
“Apparently I won because he has a hair pulling kink.” Connor says in a loud voice, the traitor. That wasn’t exactly what Kevin meant when he said ‘overshare’. Kevin’s face turns bright red as he splutters out, “What the hell, Connor? Why would you say that?”  
The other elders have collapsed into fits of laughter, some of them looking mildly uncomfortable at the information, but still finding it hilarious. Kevin finds himself once again hating the feeling of embarrassment, but having Connor fondly lacing their hands together under the table cuts through the sensation.  
“They have laughed too many times at me for pining after you, now it’s time for you to have a taste of it.”  
Kevin would be mad, but the sparkling look in Connor’s eye wipes all anger away. It is a little funny how well he responds to the sensation, and it’s not like the elders laughing at him will stop Connor from doing it...  
“You can’t talk, especially with how you responded when I touched your back...”  
It’s Connor’s turn for his face to go red, and Poptarts gasps, “That explains so much!”  
Most of the elders turn to face Poptarts with a confused look, and his face instantly flushes.  
“N-no! Not like that! We haven’t-! Gosh guys, get your mind out of the gutter. Remember when Elder McKinley got that gash on his back from slipping down that hill in the rainy season?”  
All the elders, except Kevin, nod and mutter how it made sense. Obviously this was an event that happened before Kevin’s time, because he’s still confused. Nobody is hurrying to fill Kevin in with the story.  
“I’m going to speak for everyone here… It took you guys long enough to actually get together. Most of us bet that it would only take a few weeks!” Elder Neeley casually adds, trying rather poorly to hide his smirk. Kevin coughs out of surprise, and Connor hides his face with his hands while letting out an embarrassed squeak.  
“Why are you guys so involved in our love life??”  
“Africa is kinda boring. We need something to keep us entertained!”  
Kevin sighs and looks out the window, praying to a god he no longer believes in to get him out of this terrible situation. He is both startled and relieved to see Arnold trekking back to the hut from his night at Nabulungi’s. He can’t let Arnold find out about their relationship like this, he refuses! 

“Well, this has been a great conversation,” Kevin awkwardly starts, standing up from the table, “But Arnold asked me yesterday if I would... Accompany him to... um...” He quickly remembers the typewriter. Thank goodness for that! “-To see Nabulungi! But he’s already there, and her typewriter is here, so I’m going to go give that to her! Cya later guys!”  
He leaves the table, but darts back to give Connor a quick kiss on the top of his head, then grins and runs back to his room to fetch the typewriter.  
“Wait, what?! You’re leaving me here with them?”  
“You’re the district leader, you can handle anything!” Kevin replies, laughing at Connor’s betrayed look.  
“I’ll rescue you later, I promise!”  
As Kevin leaves the hut, Connor calls out, “Traitor!”  
It’s kind of true, but he has good reasoning behind it. He’ll absolutely make up for it when he gets back. He has a few plans, well fantasies, on how to do just that.  
“Hey, Arnold!” Kevin calls out, waving when Arnold notices him. Arnold breaks out into a big grin then runs over to give Kevin a big hug.  
“Kevin! What’s up, buddy? So excited to see me that you had to meet me at the door?”  
“You bet on it.” Kevin warmly replies, rolling his eyes when Arnold puts a hand on his chest and lets out an ‘aww’.  
“Also, Naba left her typewriter here, so let’s turn right around and go back.”  
Kevin hastily pushes Arnold back in the direction he came, ignoring his confused noises.  
“Um, okay, I was kinda looking forward to breakfast though...”  
“Elder Zelder made breakfast today, so you’re not missing out on much. Actually, consider this a mercy.”  
Arnold grimaces at the thought of Zelder’s cooking, then falls into step with Kevin without a moments more of hesitation.  
“How is Naba?” Kevin awkwardly starts, not sure how to breach the topic of how he is now dating their district leader. He isn’t entirely sure how Arnold feels about the possibility of Kevin maybe being gay...  
Kevin frowns. Is he gay? He knows he likes Connor, a lot, but he hasn’t really thought about the issue past that. Before Uganda he thought he was going to marry a woman and have a big, Mormon family with her, but he hadn’t ever put any thought into it. It was just something that was going to happen. Well, maybe not now. Kevin isn’t actually sure what he’s going to do with his life after his mission... He’s kind of hoping it has Connor in it. That would be very nice.  
“Kevin? Hello, earth to Kev.”  
Kevin blinks, then stares down at Arnold who has an eyebrow raised at him. Oh, right, he had asked Arnold a question and he was supposed to actually listen. Oops.  
“Hey, buddy, is there something on your mind? You seem a little stressed out. Or something like that. I don’t want to assume anything, but you seem tired... I mean, you’ve looked tired ever since the Incident, but I didn’t really want to point it out to you just in case it was a soft spot...”  
Kevin stares at Arnold, thoughts overloading his mind. What is he going to tell him?  
“I was sexually assaulted.” He blurts out, covering his mouth with his hand out of shock. That wasn’t what he was intending on saying, this is bad, very very bad. Arnold’s eyes widen, and he stops walking so he can stare at Kevin in horror.  
“Oh my gosh, Kevin! When did this happen?! Was it recently!? Who did it, I’m gonna, gonna...” Arnold starts panicking, but when he sees that Kevin is starting to panic too, he takes a deep breath and gently grabs Kevin’s arms.  
“What happened, Kevin?”  
“I- Um... You know when I went to the General’s camp?” Kevin hoarsely replies, flinching when Arnold gasps in horror. When Arnold doesn’t say anything, it prompts Kevin to explain what happened, in less detail than he did Connor. Arnold wouldn’t be able to handle the detail.  
Arnold, for the first time in his life, is rendered speechless. He just stares at Kevin with his mouth open and a guilty look in his eye, and Kevin has to look away otherwise he is going to start crying.  
“You kept that all to yourself?”  
“Mostly... I told Connor... Elder McKinley... last night.”  
Before Kevin can say another word, Arnold has grabbed the typewriter and gently placed it on the ground before leaning up and encasing him in one of his bone crushing hugs. Kevin doesn’t hesitate to hug him back. It’s nice to have a best friend like Arnold. It’s nice to have a friend, full stop.  
“I’m sorry I treated you so badly, I was really mean to you! I thought I was manning up but all I was doing was hurting you!”  
“Gosh, Connor did this too. Don’t blame yourself, it was my decision to go into that camp. It was my fault, and it all worked out okay, right?”  
Arnold’s face is still buried in Kevin’s chest, but he can feel him nod slightly. The pair stand there for a moment, fiercely hugging out the pain. When Arnold finally releases Kevin, he pats Arnold on the shoulder with a reassuring look.  
“I’m all okay now, yeah? I just needed to get that off my chest. Don’t ever blame yourself for what happened to me, okay? I don’t want anyone blaming themselves, not you, not Connor. Okay?”  
Arnold nods, still giving Kevin a sad, guilty look, which Kevin ignores by sighing and picking the typewriter off the ground.  
“Let’s go to Naba’s now, that’ll make you happy.”  
Arnold lets out a warm smile that turns into a full faced smile when Kevin grins at him, and they both start walking towards the main village. 

They get a full minute of walking in before Arnold stops in the middle of the path and stares at Kevin with a suspicious look.  
“Hang on a hot second, when did Elder McKinley become ‘Connor’?”  
Oh no. Part two of difficult conversations.  
Kevin squirms uncomfortably, examining the typewriter in his hands, before quietly replying,  
“Since, um... Well... We... kissed?”  
Arnold stares at Kevin with an unreadable expression, and he gets the overwhelming feeling that he completely fucked this up.  
“You’re not gay, though.” Arnold slowly says, as if he doesn’t quite compute the information.  
“Well, apparently I am. Because I liked it, a lot.” Kevin sighs, running a hand through his hand. He still can’t find it in himself to look at Arnold.  
“Oh. So... Are you two dating or something now?”  
“Yes. Since this morning, actually.”  
More silence. The silence is going to kill him.  
“Kevin... I... I’m... Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“I didn’t know if how you’d react... I didn’t want to lose you as my best friend.”  
“Kevin, this is, this is…”  
Terrible? Soul-destroying? A reason why they shouldn’t be friends anymore? “… Awesome!”  
Wait, what? Kevin turns to stare at Arnold, stunned by how excited he looks.  
“Now we can go on double dates and talk about how hot our partners are and stuff like that!!!”  
Oh, thank Heavenly Father. He smiles, then briefly puts a hand on Arnold’s shoulder.  
“That sounds incredible, Arnold.”  
“You should have told me earlier! It’s so obvious that McKinley is into you, even I could see it and I’m completely oblivious to everything!”  
“Why does everyone keep saying that? And why am I the only one who didn’t know Connor liked me?” Kevin grumbles, rolling his eyes as Arnold giggles.  
“‘Cause it’s true, buddy. And you’re also really unobservant, you’re like… Princess Leia and Han Solo. And you’re Leia. Although, McKinley is a little too nice to be Han…” Arnold, surprisingly, stops himself before he can continue rambling on. Kevin doesn’t understand the reference at all, but he can guess by context what he’s getting at.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, man. You’re helpless.”  
Kevin sheepishly looks away, but quietly smiles to himself. When Arnold doesn’t say anything else he shoots a quick glance over at him, who is examining the trees on the side of the path with mild interest. “Hey, Arnold? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I liked Connor. I… was confused. To say the least. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. This is all so new to me, but you’re my best friend and I… I didn’t want to lose you again. Thank you for not, you know, ditching me.”  
“I would never do that! Well, not this time. Oh, gosh, you didn’t tell anyone? That would have killed you! Spill, now, rant about how great he is, like I do with Naba! C’mon, buddy, I know you want to.”Arnold elbows Kevin as he says this with a devilish grin, and any reservations Kevin was having about Arnold not being supportive are thrown out the window.  
“He’s amazing!” He blurts out, sighing while pressing a hand to his warming cheek. “He’s so nice and handsome, and I just feel so safe talking to him, but I also could just listen to him talk for hours! He’s a chronic over-sharer, but you already knew that, so he’s been embarrassing me in front of the elders all morning but I’m kinda into it? And he’s so pretty… He’s got so many freckles! And he’s got some really cute ones on his chest and his hair is a beautiful ginger colour that I just want to run my hands through, and he loves it when I touch his back, and god, he’s an amazing kisser. Not that I have much reference. He just makes me… feel things… That I never thought I could, and I’m so glad that he isn’t pushing me away. Ugh.”  
Kevin covers his face with both his hands as Arnold chuckles softly beside him. He wishes he had told Arnold about his feelings for Connor before now, it would have made the situation a lot easier.  
“Have you two done… it… Yet?” “What? No! We’ve been together for less than 24 hours!”  
Arnold holds up his hands in a defensive manner, shrugging. “Okay, okay. Whatever you say, buddy. Just saying, it’s amazing. A little awkward at first, but so worth it.”  
The comment makes Kevin strangely uncomfortable, but he doesn’t fully know why. Perhaps because Arnold refers to sex so casually, and either Kevin’s strict upbringing or his trauma has a problem with that, or perhaps it’s something else that he can’t identify. Hopefully with Connor it won’t hurt as much.  
“Kevin? Is there something wrong?”  
“What? No!” Kevin clumsily lies, staring at Arnold with wide eyes. When Arnold raises an eyebrow at him, he sighs in defeat. “I... We tried to... You know. But I kinda... Freaked out? Because of what happened with the General and stuff. I know, I’m being stupid and I should just get over it and let Connor just-“  
Kevin stops talking when Arnold loudly shushes him and reaches up to put a finger to Kevin's mouth.  
“Stop talking. You’re not being stupid, it’s perfectly normal! If you don’t want to do it, then you don’t have to! I’m sure Elder McKinley will understand.”  
“But that’s the point, I want to, a lot, I just... I guess I’m scared.” Kevin admits, running a hand through his hair. It reminds him of how Connor has been touching it lately, which at the moment gives him mixed feelings.  
“Again, I’m sure McKinley will understand. That man will do anything for you. As I said before, he’s your Han to your Leia.”  
Arnold pauses and frowns. “Maybe that isn’t the best comparison, if you think about the new movies, maybe a better comparison would be-“  
Kevin smiles as Arnold jabbers on about different couples they’re like, nodding along in the right places. Out of all the ways he’d imagine being with Connor would go, this would probably be his favourite outcome. He’s still got his best friend, the elders are more than happy with them being together, and he finally got Connor into his bed, and he isn’t even upset that they didn’t do more than just sleep.

Maybe, just maybe… This could work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool, that's done! I loved writing Kevin and Arnold being bros. And I also loved writing Connor and Kevin being sappy! There will be more of both those things, I promise.
> 
> I kinda want to write what happened to Connor when Kevin ditched him at breakfast... I just want to write more of the elders giving him shit for getting with Kevin Price, in the most loving way possible. Please don't be afraid to give suggestions! I love suggestions, and advice! 
> 
> Also, thank you for reading so far! This is my first fan fiction (that I've published) and it makes me the happiest man alive to see people are actually taking the time out to read it!


	5. Bid Those Sad Feelings Adieu!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets some advice he doesn't want to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, this took a while to write. This is a bit of a filler chapter, then it goes into the next part of the story! I decided to make this a longer fic because I like writing this world! I've actually *gasp* planned the chapters now.

“Traitor!” Connor calls out, ignoring the snickers of the crowd. When Kevin doesn’t reappear, he sighs and returns to his breakfast with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. It’s very much like Kevin to disappear when things get difficult.

“I hope you’re not eating that because your new boyfriend isn’t around.” A slightly annoyed Elder Zelder comments, eying Connor and the other elders. Connor nods quickly, and the other elders take note and start eating with faux enthusiasm that seems to fool Zelder. Connor makes a quick mental note to take Zelder off the kitchen rotation in the future, because while he is talented at many things, cooking is not one of them.  
“Your cooking is fine, Zelder.” Elder Michaels assures him, which earns him a raised eyebrow from Elder Neeley.  
“Elder Michaels, Mormons don’t lie!” Neeley turns and faces Zelder face on with a determined look on his face that spells trouble. “Zelder, as your mission companion, I am the only one with guts to say your cooking is what Kimbay says, kupamba.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“It means crap.”  
Zelder lets out a scandalised gasp, putting his hand in his chest. “How dare you, Neeley! I should have you know-“  
The pair bicker back and forth, and Connor simply watches them with an amused expression. He probably should stop them, but then again… He really doesn’t want to.

“Aren’t you going to get them to stop?” Poptarts whispers to Connor, snorting when Connor shakes his head in reply.  
“Gosh no. If they’re arguing with each other, they won’t have time to tease me.”  
Connor and Poptarts watch the elders lapse back into conversation, with Connor trying his best to not draw attention to himself and eat his breakfast in peace. He loves the fact that the elders want to talk about his budding romance with his dream man, but he didn’t realise how overwhelming it would be too. The whole ordeal is so incredibly foreign to him, and he fears that he doesn’t even know where to start. At least Kevin doesn’t know anything either, they can figure it out together. 

Connor absently pokes at his food and lets his mind wander to the night before, a little thrill coursing through him when he remembers what they almost did, and that they did do. Now, Connor considers himself quite honourable, and despite recent events and the fact he may or may not believe in his God anymore, he still sees himself a man of the Scriptures. He still sees a lot of merit following a lot of the rules and teachings, but he isn’t as spellbound. He has only ever had the urge to rebel against the Word in one area, which is with his sexuality, so he has decided to completely ignore everything anyone from the Church has told him about the law of chastity and such and go with his instinct. And that is telling him that he very much wants to sleep with Kevin. As well as have a relationship, of course, but he wants more, he doesn’t want to hold back anymore. His stomach lurches in an unpleasant way as he remembers the look on Kevin’s face when he tried to initiate something. He doesn’t ever want to see that look again, but is that going to happen every time they try to be intimate? How does Connor even ask about something like that?

Connor decides that he needs some quiet to think, so he quietly stands with his plate and heading to the kitchen. He isn’t on kitchen duty today, thankfully, but he has some paperwork he should probably get started on, about getting supplies for the school, and he knows the process so well that it’s actually a comforting part of his routine. Luckily, none of the other elders besides Poptarts notice his leave, so he slips into his office without another word. The noise from breakfast is muffled through the walls, but it’s quiet enough to give Connor a sense of peace.  
Well, for a moment, at least.  
“Elder McKinley? May I come in?”  
Poptarts pokes his head through the door with a curious look on his face, breaking out in a sweet smile when Connor motions him in. While rule 72 isn’t in place anymore, the two mission companions usually feel uneasy when not around the other, so when Connor is filling out paperwork Poptarts usually keeps him company by organising the filing cabinet that is impossibly messy, no matter how long he sorts it for. Sure enough, Poptarts plops himself on the floor and opens the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and very shortly the pair fall into an easy silence, focused on their tasks. When Connor realises that he’s been staring at his paperwork blankly for the part few minutes, he discovers that he is burning to talk to Poptarts about Kevin.

“You know how Kevin and I are, like... together now?”  
Poptarts doesn’t even look at Connor, only huffs in a good natured manner.  
“Of course. I caught you two making out like the hormonal teenage boys you are. All the elders are super supportive, you know that? Neeley was a little unsure at first, ‘cause of our upbringing and such, but he came around a month or two ago.”  
“I do know that, and I am incredibly grateful. Gosh, what did I do to deserve you boys?”  
Poptarts hums in response, placing another file on the one of the many piles he has on the floor. Connor doesn’t know the system he’s using and at this point, he’s too scared to ask.

“Can I get a few things off my chest? About Kevin?”  
That grabs Poptarts’ attention. He immediately stands up and sits in the tiny love seat next to Connor’s desk nodding for him to continue. Connor twists his fingers together as he tries to put his thoughts in order.  
“I… Kevin told me about something last night, about something that happened to him. I can’t tell you what it was, it isn’t my place, but it means that he has a few issues being… Intimate. In a psychological way. I don’t think he even realised he would be uncomfortable with that until we… um…”  
Poptarts wiggles his eyebrows, makes Connor giggle out of embarrassment.  
“Yeah, let just say you almost walked in on a very different scene.”  
Connor pauses and leans back in his chair, the uncertain frown returning from before.  
“I’m scared that I’m going to overstep things with him. He looked so scared, and I just… I don’t want him to feel scared when he’s with me. And I know it’s so incredibly selfish, but I’m a little frustrated too. Gosh, that was an awful thing to say…”  
“No, no, Connor, it isn’t.” Poptarts gently says, walking over to Connor to place a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve been told that your gay thoughts are something to be punished for your entire life, and now you have the ability to freely think about being with a man. Kevin is a very attractive man… Very attractive… A-and you had the opportunity to act on your thoughts only for that to be taken away from you! Obviously you’re frustrated! It doesn’t make you a bad person.”“What should I do?”  
“Wait. Have patience. Do coupley things with him and show him how to trust you. If he knows he can trust you, it will be so much easier for him. And don’t do things just because you want to sleep with him, that’s creepy.”  
“Who made you the expert on these things?”  
Poptarts shrugs, giving Connor a sly smile.  
“I was a matchmaker at my school. I gave one kid dating advice and then suddenly everyone started coming to me for advice. And apparently I was pretty good! It just never worked on myself…”  
“Maybe you just hadn’t found the right person yet.” Connor teases, raising an eyebrow when Poptarts’ face turns red.  
“Oh? Have you found someone? Is it someone in the village? Or someone at home? Or maybe one of the el-“  
“It’s nobody!” Poptarts squeakily interrupts, hiding his face in his hands. “Besides, we’re talking about your adventures into dating, not mine! Well, the lack of dating for me. Does he really have a hair pulling kink?”

Connor knows that Poptarts is trying to change the topic, but the subject he changed it to interests him enough so he doesn’t mind.  
“Oh, yeah, big time. It’s almost embarrassing how much it turns him on.”  
“Wow.” Poptarts shakes his head while laughing, and Connor can’t help but do the same.  
“I’m really happy for you, Connor. You deserve it... Maybe the choice of man is a little rash, but I’m here for you all the way.”  
“What does that mean?” Connor challenges, making Poptarts throw up his hands in defence.  
“Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot that’s good about him. Elder Price is... Passionate. He’s handsome, very handsome. He’s also well spoken, great with kids, and can charm anyone he comes across. But... He’s also erratic, so stubborn that it took whatever happened at the General’s camp to so much as shake his faith, is mentally unstable, and has an ego the size of this continent. He’s not exactly boyfriend material is what I’m saying, and this potentially could blow up in your face.”  
The first thing Connor feels is anger. How dare Poptarts try and take Kevin away from him, to take away one of the first good things that has ever happened to him! He glares at Poptarts and opens his mouth with the intention to give him a piece of his mind, until he realises something.

“Aw, you’re worried about me!”  
Poptarts rolls his eyes, then walks over to sprawl on the chair in a very ungraceful manner.  
“Of course I am! I’m your mission companion, and also... I like to think I’m your best friend too.”  
“You are my best friend. I love you like you are my brother.”  
Poptarts’s face brightens, and he sits up properly. “That means a lot to me! I see you like a brother too. A big, annoying brother that likes to boss me around a lot, but can also be a lot of fun!”  
Connor sticks his tongue out at Poptarts, who giggles and sticks his tongue out too. In that moment, Connor realised that what he said is true: he loves Chris, as family. Not in a romantic way at all, and it’s an amazing feeling.

“You know, I’ve never been able to tell another man I loved them without them thinking it was weird.” Connor airily adds, watching Poptarts return to his work.  
“That’s because they’re all wimps who can’t handle your love, no matter what way.”  
“Can you handle it?”  
“Yeah, Of course! I love you too, Connor. Some men just don’t like to get all mushy with their emotions. Not me though.”  
Connor smiles at Poptarts, wondering how different his childhood would have been if he had Poptarts as a brother. It would have been a lot more fun, his sisters and brother were either boring or too feminine for his parents to be comfortable with him playing with. His brother was the definition of masculinity, to their father’s delight, and he spent all his time going to his baseball games and whatever they got up to. He never went to Connor’s dance recitals... Okay, there was that one time when he was 17, but he didn’t look like he was happy to be there. It was only because it was a big deal and he could have gotten an actual job out of it. He could have, but he had his mission so he wasn’t a guarantee and they cut him away because it just was too messy. His mom told him that she would keep an eye out for things when he’s on his mission... Connor wonders if she is still doing that.

“When are letters supposed to be arriving from home?” Poptarts asks, forcing Connor to jump from his thoughts. He laughs quietly as Connor collects himself.  
“We’re going to the next town over to pick them up tomorrow.”  
Poptarts nods to himself, and Connor can’t help but feel a little… Put out. He isn’t going to be getting a letter, he knows it.  
“Can. Um. Could I go?”  
“Sure, we can go. I was going to get Elder Michaels and Elder Church to go, but if you want to…”  
Connor feels a little torn, because he really wanted to spend time with Kevin.  
“Um, actually Connor, I was wondering if… Elder Church and I could go? We’re a good team, I promise, and we’ve been becoming good friends. And he gets a little lonely when I’m not around. Oh… And if you stay here you can spend more time with Elder Price.”  
Poptarts smirks a little as he states the last sentence, knowing that he’s won Connor over as soon as he says it. Dang it, he’s caught on way too quickly to that.  
“Sure. I guess the whole staying with your mission companion thing is a little hard for me to break out of. You can go tell Elder Church if you want.”Poptarts waves the sentence away and stays on his spot on the floor.  
“Nah, he’s going to rope me into kitchen duty if I do that.”“Oh, am I only an escape from doing chores now? Is Elder Church replacing me?” Connor teases, laughing as Poptarts rolls his eyes and fondly smiles at his hands.  
“No, no. You aren’t replacing him. No one can replace you.”“Aw, I’m flattered, but I’m relationship so…”  
“Gosh, you’re going to rub that in my face every chance you’ve got, right?”“Yep!”  
Before Poptarts can retort, there’s a knocking on the door.  
“Come in!” Connor calls out, surprised as Nabulungi walks in. She looks… Oddly serious.  
“Is it true that you and Elder Price are in a relationship?” She asks, her gaze making Connor shift in his seat uncomfortably. He would think that out of all the villagers that Naba would be the most supportive, but her response now indicates the opposite.  
“Wow, straight to the point, okay.” Poptarts mutters from his corner, but Naba ignores him.  
“Well, are you?”“I… We… Yeah? Maybe? Is that a bad thing?” Connor’s voice is small, and he feels the similar helpless feeling that he would get when his parents would talk about how he had to find a Mormon woman to marry after his mission. Which happened a lot.  
Naba seems to notice her hostility, because she sighs and lowers her shoulders.“I am sorry that I seem angry.”  
“I would have thought you would be happy.”“I am happy, Elder McKinley, it is just that I am scared too. You can go to jail for homosexuality, you might get killed!”

Connor hadn’t thought of that. He was so blinded by him finally being able to be with Kevin that he didn’t think of the consequences that might follow.  
“And if Elder Price keeps talking about you at the rate he is now, that might happen a lot quicker!”Suddenly the corner of Connor’s desk is very interesting, so he stares at that instead of looking at Naba, because if he does he may or may not have a full blown panic attack. People die from being gay. Back in America it isn’t fully accepted, gay people can’t even get married, but there are places where you can be out and proud. Here… Well, the act is actually illegal.  
“Are we in danger?”Naba stares at Connor, then shakes her head and walks around the desk to hug his head to her chest. Connor leans into the touch, but continues to stare at the corner of the table as his mind scrambles to how he can fix it.  
“No, the village will keep you safe. No one here will hurt you or Kevin for your relationship. Just be careful of outsiders.”  
Naba’s serious demeanour fades, and it’s replaced with a mischievous giggle. “Actually many of the villagers placed bets for when you two would get together.”Poptarts gasps and excitedly looks up at Naba. “We did that too! I bet a couple of weeks, but I guess I was wrong.”  
“I was more wrong than you were. I bet they would get together the night after the the split. Remember how close they were at the after party?”“I do! Even Elder Cunningham noticed it!”  
“Hey!” Connor defensively chimes in, glaring up at Naba then down at Poptarts. “I’m still here, you know. I’m not as oblivious as you think I am, I notice things.”Poptarts makes a strange face, a sadly amused one, and Naba openly laughs at Connor.  
“You are very funny, Elder. You don’t know about half the things your boys get up to when your back is turned… right, Elder Thomas?”“And that’s my cue to leave!” Poptarts hastily says, sweeping up the documents and shoving them into the filing cabinet. As he rises to leave, he gives Naba a scathing look and Connor finds his voice again.  
“Hang on, what do you mean? What have you been doing, Poptarts?!”“Nothing, Naba is just stirring trouble!” 

And with that, he waves and shuts the door behind him. Connor huffs and straightens a few pieces of paper on his desk.  
“So much for skipping out on kitchen duty.” Connor grumbles, rolling his eyes as Naba laughs. “What did you mean by that? What is he doing? He isn’t in trouble, is he?”  
Naba’s eyes are sparkling with mischief, but she simply presses her lips together and shakes her head. “Nothing… Yet.”  
Connor wants to question her further on his companion’s whereabouts, but he doesn’t. Instead, he watches her situate herself on the love seat, wondering how his mission went so wrong, yet has been the greatest experience of his life because of the people in it.

“Now that you’ve scared the wits out of me, am I allowed to ask what Kevin is saying about me?”  
“What isn’t he saying about you? To him, you hung the stars in the sky. He won’t shut up about how ginger your hair is and how beautiful your freckles are and how soft your skin is and how great it is to kiss you and how you have such a loving heart and blah blah blah. If I didn’t know you I would fall in love with just how he is describing you.”  
She mimes gagging, and Connor sniffs a little. “Rude.”  
“Yes. I also have Arnold, who I am very happy with.”  
Connor takes this opportunity to change the subject, because he thinks if he continues with this conversation is cheeks will actually catch on fire by how warm they are.  
“How are you and Arnold going, on that note?”Naba’s face glows at the mention of Arnold, and she flashes Connor a soft grin.  
“He is wonderful. He is so kind, and soft.”  
“Hypocrite.”  
“My gushing is short! Kevin doesn’t stop.”  
She mines swooning over the seat, then proceeds to cry, “Oh, you should see his eyes, Naba, they’re so piercing and remind me of that one documentary I used to watch on the Arctic, the one with the beautiful ice lakes that I could never take my eyes off! He makes me feel like I’ve never felt before and it’s so scary but I would do anything for him!”  
Connor can’t help but giggle a little. “That is so specific… Did he…?”“Yes! He is so terrible at metaphors, I had to leave because I could not keep a straight face.”  
“I don’t think I’ll be able to if he says it to my face. The poor thing, he’s so in love.” Connor fondly sighs, putting his head in his hands. He loves the fact that Kevin is talking about him, even if he is a bit of a mess. He also likes being the sane one in the relationship, it makes him feel responsible. Connor can handle responsibility, telling people what to do. Ignoring the fact that he has no idea what to do in a relationship, it’s a perfect plan.  
But yet again... Naba is right. This isn’t America. They’re going to have to keep their relationship on the down low, at least outside of Kitguli, if they don’t want to literally go to prison. Connor wonders if Naba gave Kevin the same lecture, and if he listened. Probably not, Kevin isn’t exactly one for following rules once he has his mind fixed on something. Which is something about Kevin that frustrates Connor to no end, but it somehow infuriatingly attractive.

A bout of anxiety strikes Connor, and he blurts out, “Naba, what should I do? To keep us safe? That’s the most important thing, our safety.”  
Naba takes a moment to consider, her serious face back.  
“There is not much you can do, except to keep it quiet. But I don’t think that Kevin will be able to do that. I have some other advice that you will not like, and I do not think will work.”  
“What is it?”  
“Well, the logical solution is to not be in a relationship with Kevin until you go back to America. But you two cannot take your hands off each other, so it will not work. And well… There is also the possibility that it will die on its’ own.”  
“Wow, thanks. good to know you have faith in us.”“You have not even been together for 24 hours. You might find that it isn’t all that you were hoping it to be.”  
Naba stands up from the chair and briefly kisses him on the top of his head.  
“I must leave now. But I will leave you with that. You might not think it right now, but I do love your relationship with Kevin.”  
“Goodbye, Naba.” Connor mumbles, worry gnawing away at him.  
“Goodbye, Connor. I will go and kick Kevin out of my house so you can have him, so he will be here soon.”She doesn’t wait for a response, only leaves with the same intensity as she entered. Immediately, Connor drops his head in his hands and takes a few controlled breaths. Naba has become a very realistic person ever since the Incident, and she hasn’t quite mastered the art of not freaking people out. He almost misses the naive, childlike version of her, despite the fact that they never talked. However, while her tone was harsh, her message was true, all of it. Is compromising their safety worth being with Kevin? His immediate answer is yes, but it’s more shaky now.

Maybe this isn’t going to work out after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to write a fic to run parallel to this one! It's from Poptarts' and Church's point of view and some of the scenes in that fic are shown in this one from a different point of view. Which I love doing. When I upload the first chapter I'll update this note and put a link to it (but I'll also put them in a series together when I figure out how to work this website). 
> 
> I hope you like this chapter, it was a bitch to write and it became really sad at the end? I don't know why I'm like this.
> 
> And as always, if you see a mistake, please point it out! I didn't edit it as much as I do the others because it was annoying me and I just needed to post it or I'd never get around to it. Ha.
> 
> EDIT:
> 
> So I've got the next fic out! It's called Are You Trying To Make My Life Hard?, and it's the angsty slow burn sister of this one. It's so much fun to write! It's in a series with this one so it's easier to find. I hope you enjoy it!


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